your parents love me but you hate me
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
