I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
