There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
