You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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