so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Randomize
