"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You are the jesus of drinking
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
