So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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