you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
