Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
handjob tips. give me some.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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