It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
