sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
