Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
