I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
