all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
