my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
