did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
