Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
