we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
