UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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