Nicole vs. Life
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
