I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
