Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize