God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i will never coherently bang her
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
