i need an iv and a liver transplant
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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