Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
