Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
