I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
