can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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