this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
