Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize