I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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