dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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