so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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