haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
