I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
