nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize