Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
