Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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