he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
How external is "for external use only"?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
