I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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