I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
