Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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