i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
