Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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