Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
