He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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