I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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