She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
