I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Less talking, more tequila
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize