Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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