maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
