i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
