youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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