im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
