How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
