anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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