his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
