i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
