Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
