no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
