Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
