he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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