isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
