OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
