Screwed.edu
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
