$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
