Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
