I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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