There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize