I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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