How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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