you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
