singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
