If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
