um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
