you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize